Tell Us About . . . Confidence: The Story Behind "Gaining Confidence"

Our recent prompt for Wednesday Quotes was Confidence, and I'm not sure how I managed to pick that theme right before the great bloggers that host the Tell Us About series picked the same one. Perhaps I saw it was coming up and it was in my subconscious? Anyway, when I realized it, my first thought was to just link up my WQ post, but I decided to use it as a starting point but to make it a little more personal.

As I was putting together that WQ collection, I reflected on the ups and downs in my own confidence over the past couple of years, but I didn't say a lot about it in the post. You see, at the time, I had just been asked to do something slightly outside my usual, and I'd immediately responded that I'd be glad to do it. Only after getting a few more details about what would be expected did I question myself: What did I agree to? Would I be able to deliver? What if I can't handle this or I fail? I had to reread the information I'd been given and figure out exactly which things I already knew how to do, which things I was pretty sure I couldn't do, and which things I might need at least a little help with. Then I knew what questions to ask, and to my surprise there was only one thing that I probably couldn't handle on my own but there was already a plan in place for someone else to do that part. My questions were answered, and I was back to being reasonably confident again.

Being prepared and being willing to ask for help lays the foundation for being confident.

If you are confident you have done everything possible to prepare yourself, then there is nothing to fear. ~Michael Jordan

Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in experience and achievement. ~Eddie Rickenbacker

I think there's more to it than just thinking positive thoughts, of course. It's wise to have realistic expectations of myself and my abilities, even when I'm challenging and stretching myself. It's wise to have a sober assessment of the obstacles I might face, and to always be considerate of others, and aware that things don't always go as planned. Not nearly always! Confidence comes from being prepared and having done the homework, and from understanding that even if things don't work out - even if the endeavor is a failure! - that doesn't mean my worth as a person has changed.

Very soon after I'd published my WQ on Confidence, I managed the task I'd taken on and believe me, it did NOT go exactly as planned! There were a couple of "technical difficulties" that presented challenges, but I - and the others involved - carried on and my guess is that very few people realized that we were flying blind for part of the time. There were a few moments that I sure felt like it was all going to completely fall apart, but I found that I had the confidence to calmly power through with a smile. I'd prepared as well as I could, something happened that was outside of my control, so I did the best I could. 

Athletes and performers have to train and practice and prepare, and then trust to the training when it's time to perform. Their confidence is well-placed and realistic. They may have natural gifts and talent, but they also put in all the hard work of practicing so that they know each move and each play and can act and react in an instant. They can't be fearful or worried they will fail when they step onto the field or into the arena. They have done the preparation work and have to believe that the effort and coaching will pay off. 

There is a difference between conceit and confidence. Conceit is bragging about yourself. Confidence means you believe you can get the job done. ~Johnny Unitas

When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things. ~Joe Namath

Yes, I agree! When I'm confident in my abilities and preparation, I can enjoy myself and that almost always leads to a better outcome and performance! This is something that I've seen in the time I've been with the Scioto Valley Chorus. We spend a lot of time preparing down to tiny details so that when we step onto the concert and competition stage, doing everything correctly feels natural and automatic, and we can have fun! Lots of preparation means more confidence and freedom, and less nervousness and tension.

Being part of this vibrant and dedicated group of singers is something that has really helped me get back the self-confidence that I thought I'd lost a couple years ago. When we moved two years ago, after the dust had settled a little bit, I was struggling. I hadn't made any friends and was having trouble even figuring out where I'd find people to socialize with. It felt like a very slow process as we got involved in a local church. I wasn't working and wasn't really connected anywhere so I was isolated and felt almost invisible. Not surprising then, that I was second-guessing whether I was "interesting enough" or "likeable enough" to make friends, and whether I had any skill or talent to offer, and maybe I wasn't "good enough" to contribute anything valuable to my church or community. For the first time in decades, my self-confidence was gone and I was more anxious and uncomfortable in new situations than I'd been when I was a teenager!

"confident" me right before the move

I'd come from a place where I'd been a part of the same homeschool community and the same church for twenty years. I'd been involved in a community choir for many years. I'd worked in a couple of jobs and had lots of friends, and knew a lot of people. I was comfortable with what I was good at and what I wasn't so good at, and my confidence had been built along with my reputation for what I could do. So I was not prepared for the difficulty of starting from scratch and feeling like I had to prove myself at everything again. Joining the chorus was one of my first steps. Choral singing was something I loved and felt like I could still do, so I searched for a group that I thought would be a good fit. I was welcomed and though it stretched me, I loved the group and it gave me something to work at and to look forward to. That sense of belonging and being a valuable part of something boosted my self-confidence.

I felt more confident in hunting for a job - something I hadn't really done before, believe it or not! I'd had some really great jobs but almost all of the things I'd done since moving to the US had been "right time, right place" and "it's who you know" situations. For the first time in decades I had to properly update my resume, put in applications, and actually sell myself at an interview. Each step along the way boosted my confidence, until I landed the job I have now, which has turned out to be a good fit.

I've concluded that confidence builds on experience and successes. All the preparation gets you ready, but it's when you can rise to the occasion and deliver successfully that confidence gets a boost. I had to first remind myself that I had a good resume of things I was good at and that I was still capable of learning and doing new things. Every time I made myself step out of my comfort zone to try something, I felt a tiny bit more confident, even if it wasn't a huge success! Because another ingredient for confidence is knowing that failure isn't the end of the world. I went to a couple of community events that I liked, but that did NOT result in me finding a friend or an ongoing involvement. So those efforts weren't successes in that regard, but also nothing bad happened! When I asked myself what is the worst that could happen if I try this thing, and realize that the absolute worst is highly improbable and the likely worst is not really that bad, it's easier to go ahead and try. I also reminded myself that even if this thing does fail spectacularly, my family and my true friends will still love me. And more importantly, God will still love me, and nothing will change that. 

Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities - a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say. ~Wentworth Miller

Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It's the sure-footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. ~Ann Landers

Confidence is classy!

So then last week I was asked to do something else that would stretch me a bit, and once again I said Yes! With a little more confidence! I'm confident that it will be a fun and successful endeavor, and a great learning experience at the very least. And my confidence will be on even more solid ground. 

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained. ~Marie Curie

The quote from Marie Curie hits on another ingredient in having confidence. Believing that we have a purpose and that we are here and still alive for a reason. We make a difference. We have something valuable to bring to the world. I believe that we find that purpose when we get to know God, because he made each of us and knows us better than anyone. He has a purpose for each of us to fulfill. That's why confidence is also a gift that God has for us. We can be confident that God loves us, that he hears our prayers and answers them, and that obeying him will bring us peace. We can have full confidence that he will always love us, no matter what. We don't have to be fearful about our future, or worried that God will abandon us. He promises to always be with us. When we exercise our faith by believing what he says, it grows our confidence in God and that he will keep every one of his promises.

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

~Hebrews 4:16~

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us―whatever we ask―we know that we have what we asked of him.

~I John 5:14-15~

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

~Hebrews 11:1~

The LORD's justice will dwell in the desert,

his righteousness live in the fertile field.

The fruit of that righteousness will be peace;

its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.

~Isaiah 32:16-17~

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This article is based on my post WQ - Gaining Confidence, which is part of the Wednesday Quotes link party series that I co-host. It's a bi-weekly opportunity for bloggers to share their writing, poetry, photos, or stories inspired by our theme. We've chosen the themes as a starting point for your creativity, and the only requirement is that your post include at least one related quote. Feel free to combine or "double-dip" with other writing or photo challenges as well. Of course, we'd appreciate a link back to us, if you'd be so kind. Wednesday Quotes is co-hosted by Sadje at Keep It Alive and Kym at A Fresh Cup of Coffee. The next link party opens on Wednesday, November 27th and the theme is Helping Hands. 

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Tell Us About . . . is a monthly opportunity for bloggers to showcase their creativity. Each month one of the co-hosts will choose the word to focus on. On the third Thursday of every month we'll respond to the prompt "Tell Us About ---" which could be absolutely anything. And how we respond is also wide open. It could be a blog post with our opinions or reminscences; a poem, photos, a short story or whatever takes your fancy―it could even be a mix of all these! This month's theme, chosen by Gail from Is This Mutton, is "Confidence" 

This post is linked at Is This Mutton.

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